There is no such word as “Rubenesque.”  Properly, it’s “Reubensesque,” which is just a euphemism for “fat.”  If you’re fat, say you’re fat.  Blind people have no problem saying “Hey, I’m blind.”  Deaf people don’t hide the fact that they’re deaf.  If you’re fat, do you think you can hide it any more than a blind man can hide being blind, or a deaf woman being deaf?

“Hey, there’s just more of me to love.”  Um–no.  I don’t love huge layers of fat.  I might love you, but your fat is not you.  Cut it out.

Lay off the figures of speech and call it what it is.

I have a friend with cerebral palsy, who freely and openly calls himself  a “gimp” (as does our mutual friend Ed, who has ALS).  My college pal Marvin, who was born without eyeballs, never referred to himself as “visually impaired” or “differently abled.”  He was damned blind, and he knew it.

People say, “Well, you know, Luis is–Spanish.”  Oh, yeah?  What part of Spain is he from?  “He’s–he’s Latin.”  Latin!  He came here from a time machine!  “He’s”–and here’s where they start getting uncomfortable and whispery–“he’s Mexican.”

Well, you know what?  He probably already knows that he’s a Mexican, and he’s probably proud of it, and he deserves to be.

My gay friend Michael (and his friends) are the first to use the word “fag.”

Call a thing what it is, for God’s sake.  If you’re fat, say you’re fat.  It’s not like you can hide it.  Embrace your obesity.

I’m an old, ugly idiot.  There.  That wasn’t hard.